Rymer: Golf’s Detour to a Strange New Place

Golf’s power brokers have taken some unexpected turns lately into the Town of Bizarroville. How crazy?

As Charlie Rymer points out, it’s a space where the game can actually learn something from another pro sport (MLB) that can’t get out of its own way right now – and where one of golf’s biggest names of the past three decades, Phil Mickelson, can learn from feral cats.

By Charlie Rymer

Is it just me, or does it seem like we live in some sort of bizzarro golf world right now? I’ll leave the real world for others to contemplate. Let’s dig in to some crazy. Golf has plenty right now.                                                                                                     

For starters, people complain that the golf ball goes too far. One more time, with feeling: PEOPLE CLAIM THAT THE GOLF BALL GOES TOO FAR. And somehow, this is ruining the game for average golfers and fans of the professional tours.

I like to fly fish. I like to watch fly fishing shows on television. Not once have I ever thought, “Man, those fish they’re catching on TV are just too darn big.” Not one time, ever, have I caught a fish and felt bad because it’s too big.

Similarly, I’ve never played golf with anyone who hit a drive and said “Wow, that went too far.” Yet here we are, on the eve of making the golf ball go shorter. It’s my hope that any changes made in distance regulation are confined to the PGA TOUR. Look no further than at the wood bats used by Major League Baseball and its affiliated minor league teams as an example that seems to be effective.

What I don’t understand is why all other means of confining the game haven’t been exhausted before considering equipment rollbacks. I remember a day not long ago when there was rough on the PGA TOUR. And narrow fairways. There was this thing called the U.S. Open that required players to hit the golf ball where they mow the grass.

I miss the U.S. Open. Let’s try growing more rough, narrowing more fairways, and cutting more fairways on angles relative to the tee box. The current golf balls that fly straight and long wouldn’t work so well in that environment. Players would have to make adjustments that include going to golf balls with higher spin rates. Higher spin rates ultimately lead to shorter distance off the tee. Problem solved.

The only losers in this scenario are the lawyers who stand to make millions off the multitude of lawsuits currently prepped and ready to go among manufacturers, professional tours, and governing bodies. Just like golf balls flying too far, I’m sure there won’t be any complaints about lawyers not making big money from endless litigation.

Then there are golfers who make millions of dollars – and even hundreds of millions – who are trying to maximize earnings. I can relate to this, to a point. Every person I know who’s wealthy and didn’t inherit it has one thing in common: they want more. Lots more. Competition is good until certain lines get crossed. And there are lines that have been crossed.

Do you know much about feral cats? People feed them because they think the cats can’t fend for themselves. Feral cats often kill for sport. They don’t eat all they kill. A lot of what they kill, like birds and bats, eat a ton of mosquitoes.

Another interesting fact about feral cats: they don’t defecate where they eat. They go elsewhere. So if you feed feral cats, you’re making things miserable for everyone else. You’re filling other people’s shrubs with cat scat that spreads disease and ensures all your neighbors get eaten alive by mosquitoes.

Phil Mickelson and the other players rumored to have been looking seriously at leaving the PGA TOUR for the upstart Saudi Golf League spearheaded by Greg Norman were apparently pursuing greater financial opportunity. If you can get past the idea that this League is funded by a brutal authoritarian regime looking for a ”sportswashing” opportunity, then this pursuit is understandable.

But Phil pushed it too far. And to understand why, Mickelson can learn from feral cats. If you poop where you eat, eventually no one’s gonna put out food for you. And if Phil truly believes what he’s said, that he was taking the Saudi League for a ride just to get leverage on the PGA TOUR to help other players, then he needs to understand that feeding feral cats leads to all his neighbors not liking him. 

Fans have turned against Phil. He’s losing most of his sponsors, if not all of them. His fellow players are making strong comments against him, and that is unheard of in golf. Mickelson is paying a heavy price for crossing the line on many fronts. He tried to apologize but isn’t there yet. I hope he gets to a place where he has a full understanding of why people are upset, and a realization that he needs to make things right. Unlike Tiger, Phil at 51 doesn’t have time to conjure up a competitive comeback. He’s been great for the game of golf and an inspiration for many.

I believe in redemption. I hope he finds his place in the game again, and I’d like to see that place be in a television tower. But that image seems hazy and a million miles away right now.  Just remember: Phil Mickelson’s career has been made by tough lessons learned and daring escapes.

What opened the opportunity for an upstart league to gather any momentum in the first place? Let’s just say things haven’t always been hunky-dory between the PGA TOUR and its players. The players argue that there’s too much “fat” at the Global Home. Too many high-paid employees with excessive salaries doing things that many players don’t deem necessary.

Executives and staff point to an amazing retirement program, endlessly rising purses, an opportunity to lengthen a career past age 50, benefits too extensive to list here, and a charitable component that is the envy of all other major league sports. Both sides have a point.

When pressed, the PGA TOUR found an extra $40 million just laying around that went into a “secret pool” for players with the most engaged social media audience. The TOUR has also significantly increased purses for this season and beyond. There’s a strong argument that if the TOUR wasn’t pushed by the threat of competition, then these dollars would not have been made available to the players. The money just magically appeared. Where else might money just show up out of the ether?

The other side of the argument is dead solid. Fort Knox solid, really. When PGA TOUR events conclude on Sundays, bank transfers are made to the players on Mondays. In full. Every time.  It’s been that way for a long time. And it’s a lot of money. Players log in to their accounts on Tuesday and the cash is in the bank. End of story.

Here’s hoping there’s a quick end to golf’s quick trip to Bizarroville. I’m confident there will be, and that sanity on all sides will ultimately prevail. Because there are just too many great moments in waiting at the highest levels of golf for us to enjoy, without unnecessary distractions.